Southern Women
April 2009
When I decided to leave South Carolina and go to Yale, I knew there would be a little culture shock. I knew about the ugly stereotypes other people had about the South. For the most part, I have found it easy to shake off the snide comments and jokes, the misperceptions and misunderstandings. But there is one aspect about the rest of the country’s perception of the South that really gets under my skin: the perception of Southern women.
Ask most self-respecting feminists if they consider the typical Southern woman as strong, assertive, and independent and they will probably snicker. One conjures up images of dainty Southern belles in antebellum hoop dresses or sorority girls eagerly searching for their future doctor/lawyer/banker husband. From my two years living in the North, it seems to me that the common perception of a Southern woman is of a passive, weak, and dependant air-head; women who allow themselves to be objectified and who even enjoy taking subservient roles to men. I couldn’t disagree more with this concept.
I love southern women. Most of the women I grew up around were Southern. Although my mother is from Mexico, she embodies all of the most important qualities of what I consider a Southern woman.
Some of the strongest, confident, and independent women I have ever known have been from the South. My grandmother was born and raised in South Carolina. Yes, she loved cooking. I sincerely believe one of her favorite things was cooking biscuits and gravy for her grandchildren on Saturday mornings. She did, indeed, value the idea of Southern hospitality. However, no one who knew her would have ever dreamt of calling her dependant or passive. Far from it. She founded her own business and ran it for 30 years. She was active in local politics and devoted much of her time to a veteran’s organization. When she found retirement boring, she took up dancing. She did the things she wanted to do, and she did them on her time.
In my experience, my grandmother was the rule, not the exception. The Southern women I know are smart. They solve problems and resolve disputes. They are funny. You could cut yourself on the wits of some of the Southern women in my family. They are independent and assertive. A Southern woman will not hesitate for a moment to tell you exactly what she wants and when she wants it.
Are there some women in the South who might conform to some of the negative stereotypes of Southern women out there? Sure. But what are we really talking about here? Women who are never able to fully develop themselves as people because of repressive social norms? A culture that gives men unfair advantages in education and the workplace? Unrealistic and unhealthy body images as a result of the portrayal of women in the media? These are problems that women all over the country are faced with. To generalize such a large group of women is wrong. It is also not in keeping with the feminist and progressive spirit, one of openness and fairness, judging each individual on merit and ability. Not on gender, race, orientation, or socio-economic background. Certainly not on geography.
Steven Harvey is a sophomore in Yale College.
I’m ‘Googling’ ideas to create a ‘Princess’ themed board game for my 5 yr old daughter, who seems obsessed with Disney Princess ‘stuff’ (thanks to relatives who send such ‘stuff’).
I want to create a challenging board game that allows her to strategically trepse across the game board (that will be decorated with castles and dragons and princesses and all that stuff she adores).….….but I want the strategy and obstacles to reflect what a ‘True Modern Princess’ is in my mind. I grew up in the South and lived on both East and West coast (and now in England).…..I could never stomach to adopt a true ‘Feminist’ position in life, because it always meant I had to compete with men. To be equal to them.
I think Southern women (the ones I know!) step outside all that and are extremely strong willed and self-sufficient in many ways, yet they expect their men to step-up-to-the-plate so as partners they share equal duties. But I never knew a Southern Woman who wouldn’t just step in to ‘do-it-herself’ when needed. I never knew that word ‘subservient’, if anything, I learned the opposite, yet at the same time, I learned a respect for the opposite sex. Just the same I expect the opposite sex to respect me.
What is lovely about Southern Women, in my mind, is they can be strong, yet have no issues to wanna ‘glam’ up with lipstick and sexy dress. There is NOTHING wrong with being a woman and adorning makeup and glitz for occasion. Burning Your Bra seems so silly, when there are so many frilly fun lacy bras to wear!
Your article was refreshing. I ran across it in my attempt to create a ‘Princess’ themed board game for my daughter.….that steps away from Disney princess but not into Feminist Non-Princess. Trying to create a nice ‘middle ground’ board game that celebrates a ‘Southern’ style of woman.